Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
