You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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