you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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