He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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