dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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