I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
