I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
