Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's rum buckets o'clock
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize