What a fucking waste of an outfit
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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