u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize