i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
only you would photoshop your dick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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