The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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