I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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