We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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