So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you inspire me to be a worse person
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
