I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
