Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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