Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
