i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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