O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize