You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think my moral compass just broke
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
