You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
