I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
