3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
