He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there was a trapeze. enough said
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
