Just cropdusted the office
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I just sharted jello shots
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