He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
