is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
