I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
