If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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