I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
