Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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