all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The best revenge is premature balding
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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