I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize