i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
