He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
