guys are not supposed to queef...right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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