Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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