Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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