he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I stole a fireplace last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
