He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
