is your mom at the bar?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
