ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
