Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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