If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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