I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
