if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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