i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
