Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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