Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i think i just naturally attract stoners
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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