we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I could fuck to npr.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
