can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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