She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
