We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize