you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
