the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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