The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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