I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
