Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
