My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
