Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
