Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
BRING THE BAGELS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize