your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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