He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
