I faked an abortion last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
