Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You ruined the universe
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
