My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
