My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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