Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize