Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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