He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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