I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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