fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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