I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
