Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
