evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
