After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
