I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
