Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
