Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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