i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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