I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
