That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
